Yesterday was 8 months since my dad has been gone and it almost feels like it just happened. I'm not sure when I will ever feel "normal" or if I will ever be able to think about what life was like before January 13.
I had told myself that I would like to go to the cemetary to at least put some fresh flowers down, but I couldn't do it. I've not been there since the burial and can't bring myself to even think about what to put on a head stone. I guess I feel that there are no words to express what I would want anyone that passes by to know about my dad.
Perhaps next month I will visit.
I did get some good news from the lawyers on Friday. My dad's estate is in probate and it has been a mess. I did find out that the lawyer will be able to negotiate the debt down so the total money due is not nearly as high as I had once thought. This is good because it should (keep fingers crossed) allow me to keep the house and sell it or rent it when I am ready. I didn't like the feeling of being rushed to discard things and I wanted to be able to go through every item in the house in my timing. So it sounds like I will be able to do that with no certain deadlines.
I had moved out of my dad's house about 4 years ago, but we had lived there for about 20 years so you can imagine the stuff that accumulated. I knew my dad was a pack rat but I had no idea. We are finding so much stuff that I just knew he would have thrown away. Like my old baby crib that was broke or some model cars that my brother and I had put together. ahh.. I guess my dad was just sentimental and I'm positive that is where I get my sensitivity from. At times it's been funny to go through my old toys and remember the great times that I had with my barbie dolls and playing with them for hours on end with my best friend. At other times it's been very sad but I guess this a part of growing older and moving on and letting go of the past.
Speaking of the past, Chris and I have been able to learn from the past mistakes of my dad and try to be efficient in our planning for the future. We started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University yesterday at our church. It is a 13 week course and we have already made a couple of sacrifices. Chris will give up energy drinks at Weigel's while I have to give up fountain drinks at Weigel's (sniff, sniff). Most people that I work with know that I am 100% addicted to fountain drinks. It's like my crack.. although I have no idea what that is like. But I have agreed, if only for the sheer thought that I need to start out small. So if saving us .86 (told you i was addicted) per day is my contribution then I am willing to do it. I am excited to see what sorts of changes we can begin to make in our financial situation. I will keep an update going here.
Here's to no more fountain drinks....... wait, he only said Weigel's..........